Hand Grenade In A Fish Bowl: Dealing With Making A Dramatic Change

At some point in our lives, most of us experience that devastating tornado that comes as a direct result of making dramatic changes. It can be so powerful and so painful that we will do almost anything to prevent it happening again. We look back at the mess that occurred, the human collateral damage and the crushing blows we unwittingly caused and we vow to avoid this again at all costs. It may have been a messy divorce, a sudden career change or something even more life changing. Either way our subconscious mind suddenly learns to fear major change.

Then there are those of us who simply excel at procrastination. Especially when the choices you want to make seem like an impossible mountain to climb or you know the resulting effects aren’t going to make you very popular. Sometimes we hang around on the basis someone or something else will come up and do the “dirty work” for us. What if we don’t know how or what to change? How about when no amount of thinking, processing information, weighing up the odds seems to provide any solutions? What about when it feels as if we are like a hamster on a wheel, going around in circles and all we get in return for our efforts is a major headache? It all can feel overwhelming, as if there is no end in sight and no light at the end of the tunnel...

When faced with the scariest crossroads in life - what are the things you can do?

• Get some professional advice if you need it. Support can make the difference between surviving and thriving. In my personal experience, men are far more reluctant to either go to the doctors or seek professional advice than women. Maybe it’s something to do with what we are told when growing up. We have to understand help isn’t accepting defeat to ask for help – it’s actually a very pragmatic thing to do and of course of paramount importance for those dealing with addiction.
• Challenge your motives. Are they pure? What is making you want to induce this change? Is there even a tiny little devil jumping about in your mind or a little bell tinkling? Think very carefully before making any major changes that negatively affect others. What is truly driving the desire for change? One of the biggest mistakes we often make is working on assumptions, paranoia or misinformation and then regretting our reactions at a later date. Balance, perspective and honesty can all make any transition process much more pure. Changes made on anything less, can quickly become toxic mistakes and have negative repercussions for all affected.
• You might think what’s right for you isn’t right for others but… sometimes it’s best they learn to live with it. Ultimately those who really love you and are closest to you can’t be happy if you’re not! If things continue as they are it could be more damaging than the change. Is it the fear of change or loss of control that holds you back? Self-esteem, respect and confidence all come from knowing yourself and trusting your own judgement.
Don’t over think. A lot of what we worry about or imagine will go wrong often never does. We can drive ourselves insane with things that never actually transpire – its wasted energy. Be realistic about the risks – not neurotic!

• If possible once you have picked a course of action – stick to it. Focus totally as if nothing else matters. Throw everything at it with all your energy and don’t let others throw you off course. It’s the same advice for navigating a tight-rope, head up, shoulders back, one foot firmly in front of the other but most significantly of all – do not look back while you are walking the rope or it will throw you off balance. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and in the long run it may turn out that this was not the best way forward but at least it changed the energy and made things happen.
• Clear the clutter. Removing all unwanted obstacles can help you see what really remains. I’m not just speaking metaphorically, having a spring clean may bring up a little chaos energy sometimes but it can help us see things with more clarity.
• Damage limitation. Before jumping onto the tight-rope, decide what possible outcomes might occur. You need a parachute – are there people you can trust to talk to about this who could offer an ear or more usefully be onside quickly on an emergency basis? What about your timing? Whilst you must not use this as an excuse to put off the inevitable you still need to try and ensure you’re being sensitive to others.
• Can you remove any people, obstacles or objects from the line of fire? Consider any damage that might happen and what you will need to do to repair it as swiftly as possible. Actually imagine you are going to throw the hand grenade into the fishbowl – more fish MIGHT survive if there’s a bucket handy!
• Can you soften the blow for others? Are you going to have all change happen at once or in stages? Sometimes cold turkey or total change is the only way, but not always…
• Try and be honest when faced with the consequences. Both with yourself and others. Try and keep your integrity intact. It’s surprising how much respect can assist in moving things forwards but if you blow things by being dishonest or not accepting responsibility then you may cause more issues than solutions in the long term. However there is a difference as we all know between what you admit, what you never reveal and the timing of any bombshells.
• Smile – bounce – adapt. Now you’ve made the move be positive. Don’t dwell. Keep smiling even when you don’t feel like it – believe it or not it can make a difference to your state of mind. If you keep punishing yourself or allow guilt to take over you will waste time on regrets that may not be based on anything tangible. Use your energy to bounce back, to reinvent yourself or your surroundings if need be. Re-paint, re-organise, re-pair, re-innovate your life. Adapt to the changes by being more flexible and with the knowledge that the investment you make now will pay dividends.
• Select your company carefully. Surround yourself with those who inspire, encourage you and have your best interests at heart. Any period involving change can be a challenging time you need people to lift you up – not drag you down.
• The clean-up process. So now you have made the move and you are dealing with the repercussions. How can you rebuild or replace? Don’t try and rush this part, a strong house needs firm foundations.
• Learning lessons. Everything we go through, especially those events with negative energy can give us some astounding insights. Sometimes we can’t do anything more to change things for ourselves but we can use our own experiences to prevent disaster for others, meaning the pain was not in vain.
• Clearing your mind. So after all of this preparation is in place, the last thing you should do is continue to over think it. In fact find everything you can, to distract yourself until the time comes. For some people this is as simple as a night out with friends, although do be careful you don’t end up self-medicating on the alcohol and regretting it the next morning! My best advice would be to download any app that allows you to listen to meditation or hypnotherapy you could try audible or podbean. You need to literally still your mind. A walk in the countryside with headphones on and classical music playing can also soothe the soul. Basically anything that gives your head a breather. I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes we decide for a variety of reasons that we have changed our minds back, maybe we felt we rushed our decision and we reverse it anyway. You are after all a human with free will. Keeping head and heart aligned is a tricky thing. Sometimes you are just putting off the inevitable but in other cases this choice can be the right thing given the circumstances. Whatever you do next, love yourself and ask the universe for healing.

ALL experiences are valid. If we make mistakes what is important is we learn from them. This is true personal development or growth.



Charlie Daniels is an award winning, Sunday Times, best selling author. Charlie has been a guest speaker on many TV & radio shows including This Morning, Trisha, Lorraine, The Daily Politics Show, The Big Question, Sky News, BBC News and many more. She lives in Buckinghamshire and offers relationship, writing and life guidance coaching. Charlie is also one of the highest ranking psychic clairvoyant medium readers in the UK. 

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