The Closet Narcissist - Hiding in Plain Sight

The term “narcissist” is thrown around so often these days that it’s become a bit like “gluten”—everyone says they’ve spotted one, but not everyone can actually explain what it is.

Spoiler: narcissists don’t always look like Bond villains stroking a cat. They’re usually ordinary people… who quietly wreak havoc.

They can be charming, funny, intelligent, and sometimes genuinely interesting. They go to work, pay bills, make pasta for dinner, and—here’s the kicker—they rarely end up in court. They don’t usually commit crimes, they commit confusion.

The problem is, narcissists don’t just hurt themselves. They leave dents (sometimes craters) in the lives of the people closest to them. And of all the narcissist “types,” the closet narcissist is one of the hardest to spot.

And if you’re reading this because someone close to you has you scratching your head, know this: sometimes an online tarot reading can offer surprising clarity on what’s really going on beneath the surface.

What Exactly Is Narcissism?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition marked by:

• An inflated sense of self.
• A desperate need for attention and approval.
• An inability to empathise.
• A pattern of chaotic, one-sided relationships.

Psychologists debate the “why.” Some say it’s genetics, some say it’s parenting, and some say… well, even the best parents can raise a diva. Bottom line: narcissism is complicated, but the damage it does is simple.

Understanding the difference between simple insecurity and narcissistic behaviour isn’t always straightforward—which is where tarot for clarity can help you untangle the confusion.

Meet the Closet Narcissist

A closet narcissist (sometimes called covert, fragile, or vulnerable) is the undercover agent of the narcissist world. On the surface, they can appear shy, insecure, or even self-deprecating. They don’t strut around declaring their greatness—oh no, they prefer a more delicate dance.

Closet narcissists crave admiration, but they’re terrified of exposure. Think of someone who desperately wants applause but would never step on stage—so instead, they’ll tug your sleeve and whisper, “Clap for me quietly, or I’ll sulk.”

Key traits:

• Needy, anxious, and easily slighted.
• Obsessed with how they’re seen by others.
• Use guilt, silence, or manipulation instead of direct confrontation.
• Often disguise their selfishness behind a “cause,” a group, or a “poor me” act.

Sometimes those dynamics show up most clearly when you pull tarot cards—because the cards reflect how energy flows between you and another person -

even when words don’t.

Spotting a Closet Narcissist

Here are some red flags to look out for (and maybe laugh about, so you don’t cry):

1. Terrified of the Spotlight

They want recognition, but not the spotlight. They’ll claim “I don’t like attention”—while secretly fuming if you don’t notice their new haircut.

2. Attach to a Group or Cause

They’ll suddenly become the loudest advocate for a charity, group, or club. Not because they care deeply, but because it makes them look caring.

3. Passive-Aggressive Olympics

Rather than ask for what they need, they’ll sigh, mope, or martyr themselves until you feel guilty enough to do it for them. Gold medal stuff.

4. Gossip as a Sport

Closet narcissists love gossip. It’s not just about venting—it’s about controlling the narrative and feeling powerful by spilling “secrets.”

5. The Silent Treatment

Instead of discussing what’s wrong, they’ll ghost you in plain sight. You’re left wondering if you’re in trouble or if their phone just died three days ago.

If you’re recognising too many of these signs in someone close to you, talking it over with a therapist—or even having a Zoom tarot reading—can be a useful first step to clarity.

Why This Matters

A closet narcissist might first seem merely “a bit insecure.” But give it time, and you’ll notice patterns:

• You’re always the villain in their stories.
• You find yourself doing things you never wanted to do, just to keep the peace.
• Your energy is slowly drained by their endless need for validation.

It can take a toll on your heart when someone constantly paints you as the villain. A love tarot reading online can help you see the bigger picture and remind you that you’re not to blame.